Kashmiri Aroma - Review

The wonderful Mercury Newspaper had me back to do a second review. Hurrah! Here I am talking about fireworks, gameshows and maiden names:

SWEET, SWEET AROMA

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Food Review: Kashmiri Aroma

Address: 798 Chesterfield Road, Woodseats



Visit Laura's blog at www.meanmuncher.blogspot.com

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I bring good news to those readers who happen to live in Meersbrook, Woodseats or Greenhill because you can legitimately call this curry haven your “local”. For those of us who live a little further afield, atop one of the other seven hills that make Sheffield the British equivalent of Rome, you may need to call a taxi. Call it you should because this little gem is worth a visit.



Now I don’t wish to over sell Kashmiri Aroma but in my very humble (and often flawed) opinion, this is the best curry in Sheffield. Or maybe even the world. Okay, let’s not get too ahead of ourselves because I have not tasted every curry in the world. However, I probably have tasted nearly every curry in Sheffield.

There’s nothing here that you wouldn’t expect in other curry houses: friendly staff, pleasant interior, beautiful food, an extensive menu and a recorded version of happy birthday that will, without doubt, be blasted out for some poor soul who will be presented with a chocolate “bombe”, garnished with genuine firework.
The thing, though, that makes Kashmiri Aroma different is that it’s consistently good. They don’t rest on their laurels after you’ve been a few times, they’re not lazy with their service when they work out, after your fifth visit that week, that you’re addicted to their food. They always want you to have a great night and they will never take your business for granted.

The building itself is a huge white block containing roughly 60% call centre and 40% lovely restaurant. The restaurant is on the lowest level and elicits no thoughts of “but WHY is it you feel you don’t want to change supplier?” (except for me, as I used to work there selling gas and electricity).

If you once worked at the call centre too then don’t panic because as soon as you sit down to enjoy the hastily presented and wonderfully tasty pickles, you’ll be transported off to another world. Apparently, there are indeed other worlds out there and many are rumoured to contain parallel steel cities; so this is definitely not just a flippant metaphor an amateur food reviewer might write down when stuck for descriptive words.

The starters menu provides more dishes to choose from than many restaurants manage on their whole menu: soups, sizzlers, kebabs, tikkas, seafood and veggie galore! If you are as ham-fisted as I am when it comes to making decisions, my best advice is to blindfold yourself with a napkin, spin around three times, divide your mother’s maiden name by 27 and take the dish that comes. It’ll be delicious anyway.

When it comes to the mains, if you want to enjoy a good old can’t-go-wrong curry, I urge you to order the lamb karahi. Those succulent pieces of tender lamb are like butter in your mouth. Whichever curry you order, you will be guaranteed numerous pieces of meat and you won’t be forced to become some sort of biryani game show contestant, charged with finding the elusive chunk of winning protein.

Veggies, fish lovers and philistines alike are all amply catered for here (yes, they even serve chicken nuggets), so book a table and make your way there for this is a curry you don’t want to miss out on.



Visit them online at www.kashmiriaroma.com

Just FYI: I used to eat the lamb karahi but of course I do not now. This dish is the paneer and mushroom curry, which is a real scrummy veggie choice. 

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Cauliflower, Mustard and Gorgonzola soup

Really thick soup - felt as if I was starring in 15-Stone Babies on Channel 4. 

Now, I don't mean to boast (ha, ha, ha) but this is not the first time my writing has been published. I have, in the past, written an obituary for a local newspaper AND I was also erroneously given the position of Deputy Style Editor at a university newspaper.

I was awarded this position because I successfully gave a complete bullshitery of a pitch, where I acted as if I was motivated, proactive, a practised writer and (crucially) VERY into style.

In reality, I am none of the above and, unless I have a special occasion to go to, I am so not into style that I actually have a self-imposed uniform. The uniform changes from time to time but for the past three years or so it has consisted of the following: black Topshop Baxter jeans, an American Apparel t-shirt and hoodie and black Vans slip-ons complete with identical holes (where my big toenails grew too long a few months ago).

My first assignment as Deputy Style Editor was to write an article about 'winter campus style' and then recommend some scarves and hats and stuff. So, I started walking around campus looking like a bit of a sex pest. No, no, I'm not looking at your boobs but ooh what an interesting scarf you've got there!

I was cold and bored of asking people where they had got their hats from and they were sick of me asking so I decided to just make it all up and find out what was fashionable on the internet.

When I sent my first draft to the Style Editor, she complained that I hadn’t really tailored the article to ‘university life’. I lazily changed a few words and tried to make it sound more relevant ("a perfect hat to wear when one is out nicking traffic cones") and sent it back to her. It didn't go down well and although my name was printed below the article, none of the words were mine. I quit uni and got a job in Blockbuster.

Even though, this time, my article actually made it to print in my own words, I must assure my blog readers that they will not be neglected.

Despite now being a legendary critic, I'll still be here, slaving away over the stove just so you can look at fabulous pictures and receive free tips and recipes. It's with this in mind that I bring to you a gourmet version of a good old classic, whizzed up into baby food: Cauliflower, Mustard and Gorgonzola soup. 

  

The recipe is taken from the New Covent Garden Food Co.’s “A Soup for Every Day” book. I've changed a quantity or two in my version...mainly cutting down on the cheese.

Serves 4

Ingredients

2 tbsp olive oil

1 medium onion, finely chopped

1 tbsp plain flour

284ml vegetable stock

284ml milk – these are ridiculous quantities, just do what you can…UPDATE: after a quick google, 284ml appears to be just about half a pint.

1 medium cauliflower, cut into small florets

125g Gorgonzola cheese, cubed

1 tsp wholegrain mustard

1. Heat the oil in a saucepan, add the onion and then cook until softened but not browned. Add the flour and cook for 1 minute.

2. Gradually add the stock and milk, stirring as you do. Add the cauliflower, bring to the boil, then cover and simmer for 20 minutes until the cauliflower is tender.

3. Remove from the heat, add the Gorgonzola and stir until melted.

4. Blend until it’s smooth or leave in a bit of chunk if you prefer. Return to the pan and season to taste.

5. Reheat on the hob for about 3 minutes and then stir in the mustard.

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The Greedy Greek - Review

This is not me at the Greedy Greek in Sheffield. It is me at a completely different restaurant, which is completely unrelated. 

It’s Valentine’s Day and to celebrate this festival, I have placed a ‘heart filter’ over a photograph of myself so that my readers may see what I would look like with an unfortunate rash. I’m too good to you!!

No, the real reason I am posting on this day is to alert you to something quite monumental that has recently happened to me; I have had a restaurant review published in the Mercury Newspaper!

IT'S ALL GREEK TO US...

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Food Review: The Greedy Greek

Address: 48 Sharrow Vale Road



Visit Laura's blog at www.meanmuncher.blogspot.com

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The Greedy Greek Deli couldn't really be better placed. Made famous thanks to those Sheffield Monkeys, Hunters Bar is far enough away from town to make a food joint decent and affordable but not in the middle of nowhere so as to make the journey there more longwinded and eventful than the Pilgrim’s Progress.



What’s more, if you're not a complete bore, you can skip (or waddle, depending on how many gyros you devour) down to the lovely bars and pubs in the area.

This unique little deli doesn't pretend to be a posh restaurant and if it did, it would lose some of its delightfully shabby charm. With a huge stretch of the imagination, you can almost believe that you are in Greece. A deli-style counter greets you as you walk in, the staff all look vaguely Greek and after careful observation of accents (all part of my service), I have deduced that some of them genuinely are!

Anyway, that is enough about the boring stuff; my keyboard is standing by, ready to be covered in drool, making it all damp and hazardous. Who am I to make it wait?

On my first visit to the Greedy Greek, I went with a few friends who had been there before. We went armed with bottles of wine and cans of beer to take full advantage of the “bring your own” policy. I greedily ordered three main courses for myself but immediately started to worry when they arrived: "Uh oh, I've over-ordered here, the portions are quite generous...will they be offended if I leave some? My mum always said my eyes are bigger than my tummy!"

Whilst I was busy panicking about how I was going to polish it all off, I suddenly noticed that the food had miraculously disappeared. Had someone stolen it? Was I still waiting and had actually imagined the food like a gastronomic mirage?
No, no, no – this is Hunters Bar and things like that don’t happen around here. Instead, I had wolfed down the food without taking a breath and my brain was only just catching up with the joy my stomach was experiencing. My love affair with the Greedy Greek had begun; this was my type of place.

After that, I hurried back, this time ordering just the halloumi wrap. The wrap comes in many forms - some meat (beef, chicken, pork) and some veggie (falafel, halloumi). You will receive an ample portion of your chosen filling wrapped up in a divine pitta bread/flatbread. Joining your filling will be a whole host of sauces and pâtés, salad leaves and vegetables and beautiful creamy hummus. The combination of flavours and textures will blow your mind but thankfully, not your bank balance.

It gets better! The next time I popped along to the Greek (by now, I'm looking a bit weird - did I mention these visits all happened within the same week?), I took up the offer of the "wrap meal deal". It costs very little extra and you are treated to the notorious meal deal comrades: chips and a fizzy drink.

Characterising these chunks of potato as "chips" is a little bit unkind of me. What I mean to describe them as is “perfectly-cut-beautifully-cooked- wonderfully-seasoned-bites-of-spud”. And a can of fizzy pop (there's no jazzing that up).

The Gypsy Kings ring out of the CD player and the fizzy drinks are accompanied by plastic cups that make you feel all wistful and nostalgic about your 9th birthday party. There is nothing about this novel and charming little deli that I would want to change. Go here with friends, lovers or just be brave and go on your own. Dress down, relax and enjoy.

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The Greedy Greek is located at 418-420 Sharrow Vale Rd and is open 7 days a week from 10am – 10pm.

www.thegreedygreekdeli.co.uk​​

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Great British Bake Off: Cottage Loaf

Recently, and perhaps because I am now burdened with the millstone-like new year’s resolution to “update this blog regularly”, I have become the baking equivalent of a new person at work.

I arrive on my first day at the new office, feeling all positive and breezy (“Morning guys! Would you like a coffee? I’ll photocopy that enormous file for you! No, of course I don’t mind! Walking 2 miles in the rain to collect your bespoke £5 hot chocolate? Absolutely! I love walking!") because compared to the last shithole I worked at, this can't possibly be as bad!

Meanwhile, the existing, disenfranchised employees all roll their eyes and patronise me. They’ve been here before but are too polite to spoil it for me and of course they know that I'll soon realise for myself that the job is shit and all the bosses are bastards.

But here I am, the bright-eyed and bushy-tailed dough puncher, at the beginning of my breadmaking career! My mum, you see, is the disenfranchised current employee because she knows that it’s not worth the effort and she knows that you may as well just buy a loaf or use the breadmaker. It comes out much better, so just give up right now and admit defeat.

However, because she isn’t a massive bitch like I would be in her situation (“STOP FUCKING AROUND AND BUY A TIGER LOAF”, I say to my future daughter) she humours me and sits patiently, answering my idiotic questions and demands: "I need a damp tea towel! A clean one! Quickly! It’s time-sensitive!” and nurtures my new-found sense of enthusiasm for something new.

Interestingly enough, the highlight of this bread was the crust and that, I think, is a huge accolade for the crust community because usually crusts are treated with nothing but contempt. They’re repeatedly slagged off, cut off and blitzed into a void to make way for their much more highly respected brothers, the breadcrumbs.

The trick to having the best crust in the world is a simple one. Firstly, don’t be too penny-wise by brushing a thimble-full of milk over your dough prior to baking; instead, fork out for an egg. You might even have a little left to make a tablespoon-full of scrambled egg like I did!

Secondly, heat an empty roasting tray in the oven, before putting your bread in. As soon as you do come to put your bread in, fill the tray up with cold water and WATCH the steam rise. Close the oven door as soon as possible. These are both tips taken from the Great British Book of Baking but I dutifully employed them and they worked a treat.

I have written out these instructions for those of us who have access to a mixing machine and dough hook (thanks mum!). I would have written the by-hand instructions too but I’m just too lazy.

You will need…

675g strong white bread flour

1 ½ teaspoons sea salt

1 x 7g sachet easy-blend dried yeast

400ml water, at room temperature

1 egg, beaten, for brushing

1. Mix the flour, salt and yeast in your food mixer bowl. Make a well in the middle and pour in the water. Use the dough hook attachment to gradually work into a firm dough.

2. ‘Knead’ for a further 4 minutes in the bread mixer, on the lowest possible speed. The dough should be very smooth and workable.

3. Take the bowl (with the dough in) to a warmish place and cover with a damp tea towel. It needs to double in size, which takes about 1 ½ hours. However, mine didn’t double in this time at all. It barely even changed!

4. Punch out all the air from the dough (if there is any) and knead by hand for another minute. Chop off one third of the dough and shape both parts into balls. Place them onto a greased (with butter) baking tray.

5. Cover the tray with a damp tea towel and put in a warmish place for about 40 minutes, so they double in size again. Mine did double in size at this point, hurrah!

6. Preheat the oven to 230c. You can put your empty roasting tin into the oven at this point.

7. Uncover your dough and gently flatten each ball. Put the smaller one on top of the larger one and use your index and third (what is that one called?) fingers to poke down in the top, to join the layers together. Leave for another 10 minutes.

8. Brush with milk and score around the edge of each loaf, using a sharp knife. Quickly put the bread in the oven and fill up the roasting tin with cold water. Shut the oven door ASAP.

9. Bake for 15 minutes before reducing the temperature to 200c and bake for 20-25 minutes more. The loaf should sound hollow when tapped on the bottom. Cool your loaf on a wire rack. Hey presto! 

Look at that STRUCTURE!

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Pancakes - crêpe style

Unless you’re a bona fide half-wit, you don't really need a recipe in order to make a pancake; you just get all the leftovers out of your kitchen cupboards, mix them together and fry them. It's EASY. Even for the likes of me.

I usually begin by mixing together some black-eyed peas. I often buy them for fancy vegetarian recipes I see in library books but then never really have the need to use them again. Not wanting to waste food (I'm very ethical, you see), I dig them out and chuck them in.

Next up is red wine vinegar. Red wine vinegar is occasionally found in recipes - a teaspoon here, a tablespoon there - but because "500ml red wine vinegar" is never required in recipes, it's typically left in your cupboard for years. The one saving grace is that no matter how long you leave it there, it doesn’t seem to go “bad” but with time it DOES become overly pungent...too pungent, so I pour it in.

My final ingredient can vary but recently, I have been using caraway seeds. I'd bought them for the carrot and hummus sandwich, thinking that they would cause me to cry out with desire. As it happens, I don't think they really did all that much to the flavour. They were still sitting in the cupboard, looking all sullen and repentant, so I decided to put them out of their misery and whisk them into my mixture.

If you're crying out at your computer screen: "IT'S NOT WHAT LEFTOVERS YOU ACTUALLY HAVE! IT'S THE LEFTOVERS YOU WOULD HAVE HAD WHEN ALL EGGS WERE FREE RANGE AND THE WORLD WARS HADN’T HAPPENED YET!" then give yourself a pat on the back, if your agility permits it.

Yes, of course this is a joke but I'm not the only one who might need a lesson or two in making pancakes. You only need to toddle down to your local Tesco to see the rows of HALF PRICE "Betty Crocker" pancake mix in a bottle.

Two giraffes I slaughtered earlier...kidding, I'm a veggie!

So gather round and read this quickly because it'll be Shrove Tuesday before you know it (IT’S TOMORROW!!!!).

This recipe is from an ancient copy of the Good Housekeeping New Basic Cookery book. I know it’s ancient because the RRP on the back is £3.95 and you’d be hard pushed to find any cooking book for less than a tenner these days. I’ve just checked the publishing information and it’s actually a “completely revised” edition printed in 1984.

So yes, sorry, the pancakes. Serves 4, probably a couple each. 

You will need…

125g plain flour

A pinch of salt

1 egg

300ml milk and water, mixed half and half

A little butter or oil, for frying

1. Mix the flour and salt. I would sift the flour but the recipe doesn't expressly say to do so. 

2. Make a well in the centre and break in the egg.

3. Add half the liquid, gradually work in the flour using a wooden spoon and beat until the mixture is smooth.

It looks like a Cadbury's creme egg!

4. Add the remaining liquid gradually and beat until well mixed and the surface is covered with tiny bubbles. You might want to use a whisk here. I did just because I didn’t add the rest of the water as gradually as you’re meant to. Wooden or whisk, it’ll be fine.

5. Melt enough butter in a frying pan to coat the bottom or heat up a similar amount of oil. Pour off any surplus fat (says the recipe but I didn’t do this because pouring fat away is a hassle). When the fat is hot, pour or ladle in a little batter or why not be a smart arse? However you choose to pour the mixture in, make sure you have just enough to cover the bottom of the pan, as thin as possible.

6. Cook the pancake until it is golden brown on the underside, then toss or turn it over and cook the other side.

May I say that I did manage to successfully toss a pancake but try photographing that shit when you're on your own. 

7. Turn it out on a plate. 

Enjoy them with the traditional lemon juice and sugar or if you’re feeling childish, slobber on some strawberry jam. If you’re a bit pretentious, go French and spread Nutella (very authentic) and banana and create yourself a crêpe.

Look at those crispy edges!

They're magical, they're versatile and best of all, they're easy! I had one traditional and one childish but I'm not pretentious (read: we had no Nutella in the house).

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The Leon Superfood Salad and Original Wrap

To make the wrap, simply wrap some salad in a tortilla or flatbread.

Sometimes people get very mad about things that hardly affect them at all. For example, there was a bit of a moral panic when Kim Kardashian and Kanye West announced that they had created a foetus and as ever, outrage relating to trivial matters is never better demonstrated than in the Daily Mail. 

Instead of wasting our breath complaining, we should celebrate that the world's most successful porn star (progeny of the world's most successful female pimp) and a rapper who’s too-big dick is (at least partially) all over the internet ("You can't imagine how disappointed I was that I gotcut off")  have unified.

Celebrate? Are you mad? Yes, I am but that is a result of various other non-celebrity factors and none of your business. Please, give me a chance to explain. First, take a moment to consider the alternative: Kim is currently pregnant with a civilian’s baby. The normal person's genes, honed through years of careful reproductive selection (ie: not shagging celebrities) have been, to the disappointment of his ancestors, obliterated thanks to a drunken split-second/loving 15 minutes.

As if that is not sickening enough, take it a step further and assume that Kanye has done the same. A female member of the general public is waddling around, trying not to drink whilst growing an all-rapping, all-dancing human inside of her.

If it happened, this situation would be disastrous for humanity primarily because it would produce two broods of half-slebs (a species often as annoying and self-obsessed as the full version).

Another common and dreadful side-effect of this cross-breeding is that the very contagious "celebrity" condition often transmits to the civilian mother or father, causing them to become infected as well.

Appallingly, this plague doubles the amount of wazzock-celebrities the world has to endure and to illustrate this point I have helpfully compiled a non-exhaustive list of celebrity-world denizens: Britney's K-Fed, Jordan's Alex Reid and Sting's Trudie. See?

So come together and say a great big thank you to K and K for limiting their number of offspring by coming together in this beautiful way. With any luck Baby K, will have the good sense and compassion to marry an Andre-Price. 

Other things that should be applauded for being together are the ingredients in this Leon Superfood Salad. You might think that broccoli, peas and cucumber are boring and non-cool veggies but jazz them up with some feta, mint and avocado and bob’s your uncle, you have a winner.

I missed out the peas and probably some other ingredients too, so don't use this picture as a shopping list.

I used to eat this salad straight from the Leon outlets at Spitalfields and Kings Cross Station. I’d have it in a wrap and boy, it was good! I’m not really sure what superfoods do and I think that they are probably a bit of a myth (a bit like “negative-calories-in-celery-gate”) but don’t let that put you off because super or not, it’s healthy and tasty!

The original recipe only serves 2 but as I wanted this to last me for the week, I doubled the quantities in the recipe below.

Serves 4

400g broccoli, cut into bite-sized florets

240g peas, fresh or frozen

200g cucumber, cut into smallish pieces

200g feta cheese, crumbled

40g alfalfa sprouts (et al)

40g toasted seeds (I used sesame, sunflower and pumpkin)

100g avocado, cut into pieces

60g quinoa,

Handful flat-leaf parsley, rough chopped

Handful mint, rough chopped

4 dessert spoons lemon juice (I didn’t use this amount but add the juice to your taste)

8 dessert spoons extra virgin olive oil (I didn’t use this amount either but add the oil to your taste)

Put the quinoa in a medium pan. Cover with cold water plus about an inch then let it gently simmer until the water's gone - about 25 minutes. Spread it on a tray to cool to room temperature. Spreading on a tray is a revelation! It avoids the sticky mess you often end up with, as demonstrated by my quinoa, feta and courgette salad debacle. 

Put an inch of hot water into a large saucepan with a pinch of salt and cover it. Once boiling, drop in the broccoli and peas and put the lid back on. Drain after three minutes and run the veg under cold water to take all the heat out and keep them good and green.

Now build your salad in layers, starting with the first ingredient on the list and ending up with the dressing (but only dress it just before you eat it).

Here are a few notes on various stumbling blocks:

1.      Where do I get alfalfa from? I searched everywhere for this and had no luck until I stumbled across this little package in Tesco. It contains alfalfa but not exclusively. However, it seemed to work and although you feel like a first-world wanker by buying ‘sprouts’ in such elaborate packaging, you should just go with it.

2.      Toasting seeds? What a palava! Don’t panic: you can combat this with a microwave. Scatter your seeds onto a microwavable surface in a single layer. Drizzle with a LITTLE oil (I did too much and had to drain it away halfway though cooking) and put in the microwave on high. Monitor minute by minute until the seeds start to go a bit brown. Then take them out, allow to cool and proceed as normal.

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1847 Vegetarian Bistro - Review

Yesterday, I went to Manchester with my Italian friend. The only reason we went to Manchester was to facilitate the Italian’s life-affirming crusade to finally visit the Nespresso shrine, sorry, shop, in the Trafford Centre. Being Italian, the Italian is obsessed with coffee and, although you can order espresso capsules online, when you have obsessions with things, you make pilgrimages.

Shopping is one of my most hated “pastimes” and calling it a pastime is offensive to real pastimes like painting and crosswords because shopping doesn’t pass time for me; it makes time ground to a halt and causes me to slowly retreat into a parallel universe where Forever 21 is where you stay 21 forever and people queuing outside Starbucks only ever associate the brand with Kelly Oxford’s abortion joke: if men could get pregnant, every Starbucks would have an abortion clinic in the back. Sadly though, this remarkable universe either doesn’t exist or will not admit me and so back on Earth, I will only do shopping on the condition that I have been fully fuelled beforehand.

Luckily, the Italian (who is a fellow vegetarian) was willing to go wild and have a three-course meal for lunch, in order to prepare for our road trip to hell.

We decided to go to a vegetarian place in the centre of town called 1847. It only serves veggie stuff but also caters for vegans. It’s the kind of place that causes vegetarians to mistakenly believe “even a meat eater would enjoy it here!” and there is no reason why they wouldn’t. However, most meat eaters I know would not consider a purely vegetarian restaurant because they really like meat.

If you’re a veggie though, this is heaven! You can actually consider what you would like to eat, as opposed to automatically plumping for the only suitable dish on the menu. You don’t have to ask any awkward questions: Gelatine? Parmesan? No worries here!

The restaurant is a bit hidden. You walk down Mosley Street and arrive at 58, with no clues as to where the restaurant is. The Italian said that this had happened to her somewhere in Brussels – she had turned up to a restaurant, only to find that it had closed - and I thought what a ridiculous website, letting us book when there was no restaurant any more. We were a bit sad and I reflected on the situation: “Woody Allen was right; life IS made up of the horrible and the miserable! Shopping is horrible and no restaurant is miserable!” But Woody hasn’t been to Manchester because this was merely a test designed to test, well, I’m not sure! The test didn’t matter because the restaurant existed, just off Mosley Street!

The bistro itself is fairly small, in a nice boxy, modern sort of way. The tables all look very ethical, with a variation of ethical seats including benches with cushions on, which is very ethical.

We shamelessly ate the evening deal for lunch, which comprised of 3 courses for £15. The deal isn’t usually valid at lunchtime because who the hell would want to eat three courses at lunch? Yeah, who would?! For more adjusted people, there is a lunchtime deal which includes any main course and a glass of wine for £10 – very palatable.

If you are a massive pig like me, you can enjoy the evening meal at lunchtime by typing in this exclusive code that the lovely guys at 1847 have kindly provided to Mean Muncher readers, which is HA HA, who am I kidding? Just book it on the website – anyone can! There is no secret!

So, the foooood. Oh wow, the food. I know it’s such a dickhead thing to do – to take pictures of your food but I never said I wasn’t a dickhead.

The starters: I had the carpaccio of beetroot with red stem radish, feta salad and harissa dressing, which is gluten free as standard and also has the option to go vegan (presumably without the feta). It was a delight – everything a starter should be – light, tasty and perfect.

Carpaccio of beetroot with red stem radish, feta salad and harissa dressing

 The Italian had jalapeno cheddar cakes with soured cream dip and chive oil, which is not gluten free and not suitable for vegans. The Italian seemed to enjoy her starter.

 Jalapeno cheddar cakes with soured cream dip and chive oil

 Then I had possibly the most badass veggie meal that has been invented: battered halloumi or tofu (I had halloumi, obviously) with hand cut chips, homemade tartar sauce, pea puree, shoots and lemon vinaigrette. This has a vegan option (the tofu, presumably) and a gluten free option.

Battered halloumi or tofu (I had halloumi, obviously) with hand cut chips, homemade tartar sauce, pea puree, shoots and lemon vinaigrette

 It’s essentially veggie fish and chips, replacing the fish with cheese. The only saving grace health-wise with fish and chips is that there is a bit of fish, which is fairly good for you. My mind explodes when I think that regular fish and chips is the healthy version of this meal. It’s the kind of meal that would enable you to become the first vegetarian contestant on Britain’s Biggest Loser.

They’re not shy with portions either; I’m pretty sure I have a block of battered halloumi enjoying life as a stomach tenant right now, and lying in bed last night I mulled over the idea of calling 999 to request an urgent non-alcoholic stomach pump. Whilst recovering from the procedure, I would set up an Amazon store selling a never-ending supply of salty, stomach-decanted cooking oil. It was worth it though. So, so worth it.

Look! It looks like fish and chips!

 The Italian was much more sensible and had a rich and creamy asparagus, pine nut and spinach farfalle topped off with a freshly poached egg (not vegan and not gluten free). The waiter informed us that the farfelle would be replaced with different pasta and as an Italian, she could probably tell some sort of difference. 

Asparagus, pine nut and spinach non-farfalle topped off with a freshly poached egg

 And finally, we ordered two different desserts to share between us: vegan chocolate tart with pouring soya cream and warm hemp and apple muffins, green apple sorbet. Both were delicious and astoundingly, both were vegan! Chocolate, pastry, sorbet! VEGAN? The tart was beyond good and the sorbet was almost of a marshmallow consistency, strange but wonderful.

Apple and hemp muffins with apple sorbet

Vegan chocolate tart with soya cream

If you’re a vegetarian, go here and if you are not a vegetarian but you know a vegetarian, go and make their life and take them here. It’s the best veggie restaurant I have ever been to.

The full menu, various deals and more information all available on the website.

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