In 2010, when I graduated*
from university with a degree in arguing hypothetical points without coming to
any discernible conclusion, I thought that the world was my oyster! Three years
of studying and pretending to enjoy going out meant that I was definitely owed
a high-powered, thinking man's role with a generous salary and bountiful
benefits in an ethical, forward-thinking and trendy but established and
well-respected firm.
I fired off the job applications and refused to sign on at the JobCentre ("It'll just be a massive hassle when I have to sign off again in a few days, so I won't bother!")
After a few weeks of silence, I called my mobile phone network and asked my mum to send a couple of "test emails" to my email address, just to make sure that everything was in working order. I carped on about the recession a lot and angrily complained that I wouldn't be able to get any experience if no one would give me a job. But then someone did see my potential and after a depressing interview, they decided to give me a job. In a call centre, selling gas and electricity.
Selling is something that I'm not very good at. It's not that I can't sell...I'm sure, if you do everything correctly and act a bit cheeky, you'll get sales. The problem I had was that it required effort and if you sounded like you didn't care about the dual fuel saving and the direct debit discount, the customers wouldn't care either (not all of those propaganda-laden training sessions were a waste!). And I didn't care.
Laziness, though, is never very well respected at work and so I cleverly devised a little disguise by exaggerating my leftie views and embarking on a Marxist moral crusade.
"If people don't want to switch providers then I'm not going to force them into it just so I can line my pockets"
"I'm not gonna kill myself working just so those fat cats at the top can give me a couple of extra quid whilst they compensate for their tiny dicks with Bentleys"
And all these sentiments were based on thoughts that I did actually have but this agenda also suited my comatose state perfectly. It allowed me to become possibly the least successful employee at the company (an accolade I was awarded at a couple of other jobs too) until I was eventually and unceremoniously forced to hand my notice in after receiving a tip off that I was about to be sacked.
A lot of my colleagues sold hard. They said that whilst they were sitting in this hell hole for 8 hours a day, well into the evening, they might as well make some money out of it. And they did. Their productivity was rewarded when they received significantly fatter pay packets than I did.
And although I couldn't be one of them, I did sort of admire their attitude; financially, at least, it made sense not to toss it off.
In cooking, it also sometimes makes sense not to toss it off. Some things are worth that little bit of extra effort. Guacamole is a dip that most people don’t consider making because it’s so available in its little plastic tubs in the hummus department and so why would you?
I fired off the job applications and refused to sign on at the JobCentre ("It'll just be a massive hassle when I have to sign off again in a few days, so I won't bother!")
After a few weeks of silence, I called my mobile phone network and asked my mum to send a couple of "test emails" to my email address, just to make sure that everything was in working order. I carped on about the recession a lot and angrily complained that I wouldn't be able to get any experience if no one would give me a job. But then someone did see my potential and after a depressing interview, they decided to give me a job. In a call centre, selling gas and electricity.
Selling is something that I'm not very good at. It's not that I can't sell...I'm sure, if you do everything correctly and act a bit cheeky, you'll get sales. The problem I had was that it required effort and if you sounded like you didn't care about the dual fuel saving and the direct debit discount, the customers wouldn't care either (not all of those propaganda-laden training sessions were a waste!). And I didn't care.
Laziness, though, is never very well respected at work and so I cleverly devised a little disguise by exaggerating my leftie views and embarking on a Marxist moral crusade.
"If people don't want to switch providers then I'm not going to force them into it just so I can line my pockets"
"I'm not gonna kill myself working just so those fat cats at the top can give me a couple of extra quid whilst they compensate for their tiny dicks with Bentleys"
And all these sentiments were based on thoughts that I did actually have but this agenda also suited my comatose state perfectly. It allowed me to become possibly the least successful employee at the company (an accolade I was awarded at a couple of other jobs too) until I was eventually and unceremoniously forced to hand my notice in after receiving a tip off that I was about to be sacked.
A lot of my colleagues sold hard. They said that whilst they were sitting in this hell hole for 8 hours a day, well into the evening, they might as well make some money out of it. And they did. Their productivity was rewarded when they received significantly fatter pay packets than I did.
And although I couldn't be one of them, I did sort of admire their attitude; financially, at least, it made sense not to toss it off.
In cooking, it also sometimes makes sense not to toss it off. Some things are worth that little bit of extra effort. Guacamole is a dip that most people don’t consider making because it’s so available in its little plastic tubs in the hummus department and so why would you?
It’s really easy though and
by making it yourself you a) know what has gone into it and b) can make it
superbly chunky.
You will need…
2 ripe avocados
Half a red onion, chopped
fairly small
5 or 6 cherry tomatoes,
chopped into quarters
The juice of half a lime
Small handful of coriander
A pinch of salt
1. Scoop out your avocados
and tip the flesh into a bowl. Don’t discard the stones just yet.
2. Using a fork, mash the
avocados. This can be tricky as they are slippery little buggers. Use another
utensil to hold them in place if necessary. Don’t mash too much – you don’t
want your guac to be smooth. Or maybe you do!
3. Mix in everything else!
I also made some oven-roasted
tortilla chips. You get some tortillas and cut them into triangles. Lay them
out flat on a greased baking tray and sprinkle a bit of salt, chilli flakes or
whatever over them. Place in an oven at fan 160c for 5 minutes and hey presto!
Leave them to cool so they go crunchier.
TOP TIP: To keep your guacamole from going brown, you can pop the stone in and this should do the trick.
* I did get a degree but
never actually graduated due to my aforementioned breakdown, which
resulted in me having to take an exam after everyone else had graduated. All
very embarrassing. Here is a photo on the day of my supposed graduation.
I really like your tortilla chips idea here! So simple but probably so delicious. One to try when I decide I can actually afford avocados. :-)
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